December 13, 2007 08:26 PM


the word for sensitive in french is sensible. ‘sensible shoes’ - that makes me giggle.

today dr. w and i talked about communication. we talked about what happens in the space between words where relationships are made and communication happens. he made me do an experiment where he asked me to look away and picture myself eating. then he asked me to continue imagining myself eating my lunch and slowly bring my focus back to him. when i did, he claimed that i didn’t look at him. i felt i was looking at him, but he was probably right that i wasn’t seeing him. we tried it again and i never quite got back to his face before i shifted my gaze from the horizontal plane. we talked about how what i was seeing, me eating lunch and dr. w, were both being seen in my mind’s eye. i felt like i couldn’t look at dr. w and keep the picture of me eating my lunch in view at the same time becuase dr. w got in the way (in my line of sight) to where i was imagining myself eating lunch. he pointed out that because all of the seeing was happening in my head, that he and my lunching self could both occupy the same space at the same time.

this makes me wonder about how i feel looking at strangers on the subway and bus. i am looking at them (in my head) and sometimes they are looking at me, too (in their heads). and we communicate. i’d like to be able to make eye contact with strangers without feeling a push or pull, without being scared, without judging, without feeling sheepish or timid, just seeing.

sensitive and asensitive. i couldn’t find asensitive in the online dictionary, but if i extrapolate from the definition of ‘aliterate’, definition would be -“a person who can sense but is disinclined to derive information from sensory sources.” sensitive, yes definitely. asensitive, yes sometimes. but i think part of what i am trying to do (feel, discover, uncover, learn, relearn) is to listen to my innate sensitivity, even about the things i am willfully blind to.

other topics - fear of judgement, mirrors, silence

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