April 12, 2007 09:08 PM

Finding Religion

I don’t know how to say this in any way that doesn’t make me sound pathetic (and I’m not), but I reached a point in my life where all of the details weren’t adding up to a cohesive whole and I felt that I really needed to get religion. Hence the Buddhist therapist, hence the daily meditation, hence the Conversations with God, hence the more regular (ahem) blogging. I guess keeping an online journal is a kind of confession, although Confession is another one of those Holy Catholic Sacraments that I have never taken part in.

Cadin and I have talked about it. It seems funny to me that I have to consciously turn toward religion for the things that religion characteristically provides for people, not for the ‘opiate of the masses’ bit but for the comfort and ritual a disciplined spiritual practice can provide. Most people don’t end up finding religion because they think too much, quite the contrary.

I can’t claim even to have found religion in any dogmatic sense; I’m a born again Catholic with Buddhist inclinations. I’m a pagan through and through. I pray to power animals, allies, the four plus two directions and the inside and out. I pray at the Church of Our Lady of the Spasm. I give thanks every morning and try to remember to give thanks at the end of every day. I worry that monastic scheduling will take the spontenaity out of my life, but I have to admit that making a daily schedule actually helps (now if only I would actualize a schedule with more regularity). I can only say that sitting still helps me feel more centered throughout my day and that remembering I am not in charge makes me feel lighter.

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