March 22, 2007 07:15 PM

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Do I hear what I hear? Sometimes. And I am getting better at listening.

‘You just don’t understand me.’
No, I just don’t understand me.

‘You aren’t giving me credit for the progress I have made.’
No, I am not giving myself credit for the progress I have made.

How does my mind pain me? Let me count the ways…

For most of my life I have been operating under the assumption that when I am grown up I will know what I am supposed to be doing and that I will be happy doing it. Fundamental to this conceit is the belief that I am not currently doing what I am supposed to be doing. Since I have come to the point that it is unbearably painful to live feeling as though I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing, a paradigm shift is in order. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I don’t know if it is encouraging or disheartening, but there are things I have known since high school that I am just beginning to believe (or remembering how to). I am a human being, not a human doing. There is no objective reality. I am not in charge.

There are other things I have known since high school that I am letting go. Too much is not enough. Perfect is not enough. I am not enough. (I am too much and not enough. I am perfect. I am enough.)

As long as I am seeking, as long as I am listening, as long as I am learning, as long as I am loving, I am alive. But even if I am not doing any of these things, I am regardless. And even if I were dead, I still would be. And if I were dead, how would I be? Can I shine as brightly in life?

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