February 5, 2007 10:28 AM


Last week I went to see Susan Marshall and Company perform Cloudless at Dance Theatre Workshop (www.dtw.org). Although the dance didn’t give me the kinesthetic hit that I crave, it did have amusing and beautiful bits and it brought up a whole bunch of my psychic dance baggage.

Why am I not dancing right now? Why am I not making dances? If there is nothing more beautiful or more important than the human body in motion, why do I even bother spending time on anything else? I am not sure what about dance brings up such existential dilemmas for me, but as much as I love good dance (good, kdL approved dance is very rarely seen), I hate the self-searching and uncomfortable questioning it brings up. I want to be contented exactly where I am, watching or dancing or neither.

(Well actually there is at least one thing I consider to be more important than dance and that is love. And that, to me, is everything. Everything is an expression of love, including dance.)

I think part of the problem is that I tend to see things in black and white. I forget that even when I have been dancing full time, I still need to be leading a balanced life. I need to have time to cook and clean and dream and hang out with my dearest ones. I need to pay rent. Ugh.

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