January 5, 2007 11:31 AM

be here now

i struggle to be here now. my mind is racing to discover what exactly i should be doing with my life and my body and soul are protesting.

should i go to grad school for dance (pedagogy, choreography, video)?
should i quit my job and be a photographer?
should i continue to belly dance?
should i dance-y dance again? should i be taking ballet and simonson classes?
should i be an aerialist flying in the circus?
should i paint?
which dreams are closest at hand?
which deserve the most attention?

if i am in the middle of a happy relationship and an unhappy job and an unfulfilling artistic career, it is exactly where i am supposed to be. my mind can’t believe this - it would rather believe that i should be doing something fabulous because that is what i am supposed to be doing, that is what i am destined to be doing. i do believe that i am fated to do to fantastic, creative things, but i am here now, in the midst of the fantastic quotidian.

be here now. this is what i am trying to remember every waking moment.

“It is eternity now; I am in the midst of it. It is about me in the sunshine; I am in it, as the butterfly in the light-laden air. Nothing has to come; it is now. Now is eternity; now is immortal life.”
- Richard Jefferies

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